"Delicate Creatures"

The character of Lance is singing a very chauvinistic song in an old Broadway style.  Andrea, on the other hand, points out that the chorus girls use him at least as much as he uses them, and sticks it to him for being a chauvinist.

Lyrics:
Lance:
Girls have such delicate features.
Such wonderful creatures,
No wonder I can't make my mind up,
When I see those dollies lining up.
Each has her particular style.
Oh, which one shall I choose to walk down the aisle?

I would never intend to cause them sorrow.
(Girls: Oh no!)
So many of them but only one gets me.
(Girls: Oh please!)
May I should save myself 'til tomorrow.
(Girls: Oh no!)
Who knows what my eyes may fancy to see?
Lance and Girls: Yes siree!

Andrea:
As you can plainly see,
He lacks humility.
He thinks he's suave playing the field and running around,
He's up and down the chorus line.
The truth is that it suits us fine.
He think's he's pretty cute,
But he's a chauvinist galoot.
And just who's using who depends on your point of view.

Lance:
Girls are such wonderful play toys
For vagabond playboys
And only for the modest price
Of gold and fourteen-karat ice.
Oh, girls are such wonderful play toys
To comfort men who do the work of the world.

"The Pet Peeve Quartet - Reprise"

The reprise takes place in a flashback to the early days of Broadway, hence the Tin Pan Alley style with the Beguine in the bridge and the old record sound at the beginning.

Lyrics:
He's just someone from the past.
That new act will never last.
I hate the way that girl can get to me.

I hate the way that he can cower.
She waits within her ivory tower.
I sigh hour after hour.
I hate the way that boy can get to me.

The feeling is so great
That I can't concentrate
On whatever it was that I was doing.

I'm helpless and it seems,
He's even in my dreams.
I'm just a horse that needs re-shoeing.

I think he has a lot of nerve.
I hope she gets what she deserves.
I love the way that girl can get to me.

I wish that he would take a stand.
I wish that he would take my hand.
I think love could be so grand.
I hate the way that girl can get to me.

"The Great American Musical"

And here is the title song!

Lyrics:
This is the great American musical.
Yes, it's the great American show.
There'll be singing and dancing
And laughs and romancing
And songs that we all will come to know,
That you'll be singing in the shower.
It's the great American musical
Here on the great American stage.
We are here to entertain,
But not to tax your brain,
So you'll enjoy no matter what your age.

So grab a chorus girl and sway,
And you can dance the night away,
Although the men are mostly gay,
The audience won't make a peep,
They'll just suspend their disbelief.

So join us at the show
And invite everyone you know,
And if you could donate some dough,
'Cause in this economy the arts are first to go.

This is the great American musical
And what a great diversion it is.
Such a wonderful feeling
That will leave you reeling
And wishing that you were in the biz,
So you'd be basking in the spotlight.
It's the great American musical,
So come forget all your worry and strife.
No, you never can go wrong,
So join the dance and song,
And celebrate a true red, white, and blue American life!

"Compulsory Blue Note Song"

This song is a play on how some of the classic musicals have numbers with out of place sounding blue notes. 

Lyrics:
You think it's really white at the start of the song,
and then a sudden blue note tells you you're wrong.
You must have a compulsory blue note song!

It starts out really straight and so you don't know
You never saw it coming 'til
So throw the rules of musical taste.
(Neutral syllable/scat break)
You must have a compulsory blue note song!

Just exactly where this music will go.
You must have a compulsory blue note song!

They threw that blue note in your face.
Even when you've learned it still
It kind of sounds a bit out of place.

Cannot let this soulful groove go to waste.
You must have a compulsory blue note song!
Every musical has a compulsory blue note song!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

"27 Parts in the Show"

Here is the completed version of "27 Parts in the Show"!

Lyrics:
intro.
I MAY NOT BE THE STAR
I DON’T DRIVE A FANCY CAR
BUT I’VE PLAYED MORE PARTS THAT ANY OTHER ACTOR IN HISTORY SO FAR

V.1
IT ALL BEGINS IN ACT ONE, WHERE I HAVE LOTS OF FUN
PLAYING DANCER THREE, HEY, LOOK AT ME
MEMORIZE THAT FACE, BECAUSE YOU’LL HAVE TO PLACE IT
WHEN YOU SEE ME IN MY OTHER TWENTY-SIX PARTS IN THE SHOW

ch.1
I AM PLAYING TWENTY-SEVEN PARTS IN THE SHOW
AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I’VE COUNTED OUT SO FAR
I’M NOT A SHINING STAR
I’M NO ONE YOU SHOULD KNOW
BUT I’M THE ONLY PERSON PLAYING TWENTY-SEVEN PARTS IN THE SHOW!

v.2
IN THE SECOND SCENE I HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO CHANGE
ALL MY CLOTHES DOWN TO MY UNDERWEAR
IT ISN’T VERY FUN, BUT SOMEHOW IT GETS DONE
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS MUCH EXPERIENCE PLAYING EXTRAS IN THE SHOW

ch.2
I AM PLAYING TWENTY-SEVEN PARTS IN THE SHOW
UNTIL THE REWRITES COME AND I HAVE MORE.
MY JOB IS NOT A BORE.
'CAUSE I’M ALWAYS ON THE GO,
AND I’M THE ONLY PERSON PLAYING TWENTY-SEVEN PARTS IN THE SHOW!

fast intro.
ONCE I DID DREAM OF PLAYING LEAD
BUT IT SEEMS THAT I'M JUST NOT THAT BREED
IT TURNS THAT MY TALENT LIES IN CHANGING CHARACTERS WITH BLINDING SPEED

ch.3
I AM PLAYING TWENTY-SEVEN PARTS IN THE SHOW
I KNOW YOU THINK THAT I EXAGGERATE
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
FOR OP'NING NIGHT TO KNOW
THAT I'M THE ONLY PERSON PLAYING TWENTY-SEVEN PARTS IN THE SHOW!

spoken: No, you don't have to wait, because here's the full list:

After dancer three, I play the man in the crowd with the bowler hat,
and shortly after that, I appear as the elderly gentleman with a cat,
And then I'm back as the banker, a then middle-aged accountant who's getting fat,
And then as a cop, then a man in a shop, then a young man carrying a baseball bat.

I'm the barber, I'm the waiter, I'm the surly bartender,
I'm the preacher, I'm the farmer, I'm the hot dog vendor
I'm the plumber, I'm the tailor, I'm the train engineer,
I'm the drummer, I'm the sailor, I'm the strange auctioneer.

I'm a winner, I'm a loser, I'm a mover, and a shaker,
I'm the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.

And if that does not impress you
Then nothing will that I know
'Cause I'm the only person playing 27 parts in the show!

"You Swept Me Off My Feet"

"The Curtain Never Falls"

This waltz-style ballad is the final ballad of the show, near the end of Act II.

Lyrics:
There are curtain calls,
But no curtain falls
When you know you are the star.
Though it's true that you
Wait a year or two
For your next cue,
Your dream will take you far.

Though you hear applause,
There's never a pause,
When you know you are the star.
Though the play is played,
And spotlights fade,
Your dream has stayed.
Your dream will take you far.

You're among your friends.
The tune never ends,
When you are, each one, a star.
In the wings, you linger,
And you sing.
Your echoes ring.
Your dreams will take you far.